Learning Self-Love and Breaking harmful family norms

Love yourself:

Recently, I was the recipient of an advanced reader copy of The Self-Love Revolution Radical Body Positivity for Girls of Color By: Virgie Tovar and it opened my eyes to a lot of negative self-talk and body images I had for myself and my family including some I thought I’d conquered. It’s a strange concept to grasp in a world where we are so open to sharing and giving love to one another that the hardest person to love is ourselves. And why is that? Because of movies, tv shows, commercials, ads, our families, and heck even some influencers. This is especially true for women of color; as far back as I can remember I was always hyper aware of my skin color. It somehow defined me before I even knew who I was. I think back on times of wishing my skin was a little bit lighter like my moms’ or especially my grandmother THEN I would be happy and accepted by my peers. It wasn’t until adulthood that I begin to really love and embrace my darker complexion and see the beauty in myself. It’s a concept I am working hard to promote in my own daughter who already at six years old is hyper aware of the various complexions in just her family alone. My hope is that this book helps her to understand even more that we are all unique and deserve love.  Tovar explores this concept that culture affects how we think about our bodies with the images we see all around us, the way we are portrayed in movies and tv shows, and especially in the promotion of beauty products which feed on our insecurities.

 

“we live in a culture that makes women and girls feel like we’re not beautiful”

Trust me babe you are, we are! I want my daughter to know this, so I tell her every day. I write positive words on my mirror and read them to her (she’s still learning to read) because I want her to lover herself first. I want her to already have that self -love and confidence so she can promote it in others without taking away from herself.

I’m totally eating that:

I love to read but also know for skipping introductions because I always think what’s the point. There was a point here Tovar ends the introduction by telling you to read the chapters that are important to you first. Love it because maybe every chapter doesn’t hit as close to home as another and again more likely to gloss over a concept if I don’t see its application to my life. I started with the chapters on Fatphobia and diet culture. As a person who’s been on both sides of the spectrum, I can tell you if you think your weight is the only body image issue you have; it goes so much deeper than that. I also didn’t realize how many of my comments about my weight even though I can say I’m joking are self-deprecating and lead to negative thoughts later when I’m in my own head. I can’t say I’m at my healthiest but that is my goal just to be healthy and happy for my kids and promote the same in them. Reading this book allowed me to look at the way I talk about my body and the way I talk to my children about theirs and the words I put on them. I noticed I call my son fat boy as an endearment. Is he fat? No not at all. Could this eventually affect him in a negative way? Possibly so I am trying to change my narrative and how I speak to him and about him and the same goes for my daughter. But it’s not just how I speak to them I need to lead by example. I don’t want to be remembered as the mom that was constantly dieting or forcing my family to eat weird or even unhealthy food disguised as such. I don’t want to deprive myself all day only to binge eat all the snacks at night while my family is sleeping. I am striving to find a happy medium which means I am totally eating that and as you get to know me you know more than likely that includes anything with Reese’s.

Beauty is:

Just shy of a year ago I went on my first airplane. One of my friends convinced me to attend Essence Fest and let me tell you the amount of love I received in NOLA

was beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. It boosted this self confidence that I’ve slowly worked to build over time tenfold, but also made me realize I still had a lot a room to grow. One of the best things we can do when discussing self-love is remember a lot comes from within but a lot can be gained from our friends and family and that random stranger in a Target grocery aisle that just has to stop you and tell you how beautiful your complexion is and your smile because it is.

 

            “when I encourage you to “find your allies.” I’m encouraging you to find the people in your life who:

1. Genuinely want you to thrive and succeed

2. You trust

3. Do what they can to make sure you are safe and successful”

This hit home for me because I’ve had people who I thought were my friends and there for me who truly just wanted/needed me to make them feel better or fill some silly quota they had in their head. If they aren’t allies, they can still be friends or associates just understand where you stand with them and don’t let the diminish your shine or heck CUT THEM OFF! No one should be able to make you feel less than not even yourself.

Final Thoughts: This will literally start a Revolution

              Virgie Tovar writes from her experience and from her own fight to get to a place of loving herself. This book allowed me to explore concepts I found important and change my thought process. It keeps the reader engaged by asking those hard questions and prompting you to write it down like no really write it down! Some things I wrote I’ve never said out loud before. Don’t just take my word for it get yourself a copy right here. Now once you read it come back and tell me what you think because I want to know how you interpreted the same words I read and your takeaway.

 

And hey if you are still on the fence about reading this book you even have a chance to win a free copy instead by taping the link below. a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

please know:

• Prizes: One of 30 copies of The Self-Love Revolution: Radical Body Positivity for Girls of Color ($10.50-$17.00 ARV)

• Dates: April 14 – May 11, 2020

• Notification: Winners will be randomly selected and notified by CLEVER by May 12

• Terms & Conditions: The official Terms & Conditions are included in the widget; here is the high-level eligibility criteria:

  • Age 18+

  • US residents only

• Only one winner per household

Happy reading XOX,

Keta