Last night while rocking the boy to sleep for what felt like the hundredth time that day the girl crawled into my king sized bed and lay her head on the boppy next to her now asleep brother. As fun and innocent as it seemed she smiled at me and said you love brother and don’t love me. I looked at her in shock and disbelief. How could she feel that way? At only six weeks old it seems the boy has already taken her so far out of her comfort zone she see me as loving her less. I wanted to cry( I did later once she was away) As the only girl with 3 younger brothers I know the feeling. These are the feelings I had when my first brother came along but not from my mother from my grandfather. It wasn’t his fault but it still hurt none the less. I told myself a long time ago if I had multiple kids I would never want to make one feel they are loved any less than the other. Yet here we are six weeks into my second child and the first is feeling unloved. How do you navigate multiples especially at such a young age. For almost four years the sun came up and set according to her and now all that love and attention has to be shared. I thought I was doing a good job of juggling the two but I was wrong.
They talk about regression of children when you have a second either by birth or even adoption. It’s an adjustment… A REALLY BIG ADJUSTMENT I know but gosh I didn’t think she would be feeling this way so soon. So here is my question: What the hell do you do? How do you give your other child(ren) enough attention so they don’t feel less? Is it as difficult if you’re on child number three of four? Is it hitting her so hard because she’s been an only child for so long? I’m not sure but it stings none the less. So today I got up determined to get out of the house and do something just for her. We went to the Zoo and not because they had an event or discount or special promo going on. We went just because. She told me the sun was up and was ready to start her day. I got her and the boy dressed, packed his diaper bag with a bottle, nursing cover and grabs my baby carrier. I exchanged the double stroller in my car for the single one to keep her close and give her the feeling of being the only one and off we went. We walked the park, we rode the carousel and the train. We sat down and ate lunch and listened to Disney Pandora the whole way there. She smiled, she laughed and gave me kisses. We had a good day, but that was just one day. I can’t make everyday special so what do I do?
All I can do is try… Well try harder. I know I’ve been consumed with the boy. When he eats, when he sleeps, when he poops, when he pees. But I have to be right? Tomorrow is another day. My feelings aren’t as hurt so we will try again to make her not feel the way she feels but on a less grand scale. I can’t afford a pony on my income so I will have to find the solution and quick.